8/27/2004

Hey, Take Your Miscalculation and Shove It Up Your Lying Ass:
Here's why George Bush is such a pussy, a prison punk, a bitch: In what must be the least interesting interview ever done in the New York Times, Bush admits he made a "miscalculation of what the conditions would be" in Iraq. Now, see, usually a "miscalculation" is something like this: "Dear, you forgot to carry the one when you were balancing the checkbook. Looks like we'll have to tighten our belts this month" or "Gee, bud, she didn't say she was your girlfriend, but I guess it was hard for her to talk with my cock in her mouth." See that? Those are miscalculations. You might bounce a check or get bounced on the pavement, but your "miscalculations" don't end up in hundreds of Americans being blown up and shot. Bush may as well have said, "Ooops. My bad."

Bush's miscalculations used to just cause companies to go belly up. Once one has killed a few corporations, one needs to move on to other kinds of killing, no? Of course, the word "miscalculation" assumes that there were some "calculations" going on. And of course there were, but they had nothing to do with Iraq or the Iraqis. They only had to do with the election.

When pressed to "analyze" and "think" about other "mistakes" made in the occupation of Iraq, Bush demonstrated his usual erudition in saying that he would leave it to "historians" to analyze that. Ahh, now that was calculated because it allows Bush to say, "Not my fault. It's all up for interpretation." And with the very real possibility of taking on Iran as the 52nd state of the U.S., one might imagine that reflecting on "errors" in Iraq might be worthwhile. But then again, you're not President of the United States.

Isn't it wonderful to have an administration that's such a mass of contradictions. Like opposing declaring that global warming is occurring because of industrial emissions, yet having the administration put out a report saying that humans are causing global warming. Or opposing campaign finance reform until the middle of an election when, suddenly, you want to radically alter the finance laws you, ya know, opposed to ban ads from political action groups. One supposes that that indicates complexity, not confusion. Depth, not refusal to acknowledge reality. Leadership, not political convenience.

Goddamn, it must be nice to never have to actually be right about anything and to still have legions of believers. It's so pathetic. It's like watching all the doomsday cult leaders at the end of the last millenium, screaming and screaming about the end of the world, fucking all of their hot male and female followers because it doesn't matter who gets fucked anymore when the world is ending. And then watching the sad, sorry ass sight of all of those believers, so soundly fucked, when the world doesn't end. What do you do if you're one of them? Do you make the horrifying leap to, "Oh, shit, I just got conned and fucked? I'm outta here"? Or do you take the easy route and keep on following dear leader as he promises you more doomsdays to come?

Sweet Jesus, we can't wait for the GOP Convention.