1/08/2009

Why the Rude Pundit Will Not Be Writing About Ann Coulter's New Book (Other Than This):
1. Because fuck her.

2. Because a couple of years ago, when the Rude Pundit had been on the case in exposing Coulter's obvious plagiarism in her previous "book," he was approached by a small-but-well-regarded press to work on a book about Coulter's life in the hopes of revealing something to discredit her. The Rude Pundit was even going to work with a Well-Known Journalist on the project. He wrote a proposal for his approach to the thing, which involved lots of travel and research. But something gnawed at him, so he bailed on the damn thing. It was this simple: life's too fucking short to waste a couple of years of it stalking some Aryan whore just to prove that she's obviously a liar. And a whore. The same goes for the hour or so it would take to read her new "book."

3. Because it's not really what we would call a "book." No, it's just a series of subhuman grunts and yowls from a right-wing dye-job cunt who trolls the internet looking for anything tangentially-related to whatever point she's barely making so she can cut and paste it, all the while Joe McCarthy's ghost finger fucks her, Father Coughlin's gives her a rim job, and Anita Bryant's sits on her face and wriggles. Such tomes, typed by gnarled, nervous fingers while the typist is reamed by damned spirits, need not be recognized as worthy of discussion.

4. Because, slightly more realistically, the "book" is probably cobbled together by assistants and editors from scribbled notes and transcribed Scotch-infused midnight phone calls.

5. Because, even if you pointed out that everything in the book is a lie, even if you pointed out that her footnoted sources don't support her, even if you pointed out that large chunks of her "research" are unsourced assertions, even if you pointed out that even larger chunks are just copied from someone else, her publisher won't care because she sells, bitches, she sells.

6. Because if you try to argue with Coulter as if she's in any way what we'd call "rational," if you demonstrate how wrong she is, she'll just stare at you like you told her that gin and cigarettes are not really breakfast and bellow, "Liberals suck dog dicks," all the while dreaming of the next schnauzer's crank she can inhale.

7. Because attention whores get off on attention like scat lovers get off on having big shits taken on them.

8. Because the media loves pretending that they put her on the air because it's just "fair," when, really, there's no reason other than the fact that they want the crazy bitch to act crazy.

9. Because if she was some fat, bald guy with no fellatio abilities living in a tiny apartment in Idaho and writing these things, she'd've been arrested a long time ago.

10. But mostly because fuck her.